How do we live with the God or ourselves if who we are dooms us to hell? As a joyful boy who realized I was gay, I fought for my happiness and faith as prejudices of family and religion, isolated me from the world, battered and withdrawn could I rediscover the God of love. I first learned about as a boy? in the process, could being gay be the gift that introduced me to my soul? In the dark night of our soul we find our own light.